Divorce, Messy Feelings, and Conflict…oh my!

PrintAs a divorced mother of one, I had plenty of issues that I had never dealt with, some that I wasn’t even aware of. I was scared, angry, confused and unable to sleep. I did various personal growth workshops, tried therapy and counseling, all of which helped in their own way.

Then in 2008, I found Journey work, the work I currently offer to others and it was for me, by far, the most helpful. I could not only access those old memories, I could let them go AND get to forgiveness of the person responsible for the issue.

I realized how impactful Journey work could be for other divorced women, especially at the point where they were going through the process or even if years later, they were still furious at their exes. And as I thought more about it, I was aware there was no process in our society for letting go of the old marriage vows. Then it hit me, what if I could create a ceremony that was respectful and honoring to women that let them use rituals and processes to release/undo the old vow and let them take on a new, healthy intention for their lives? Voila! Releasing the Ties that Bind – Undoing Vows Ceremony was born.

Of course, I couldn’t offer this to other women without first doing it myself so I had a colleague take me through a vow change process that took me back to my first marriage ceremony. In my mind, I saw myself at the back of the church ready to walk down the aisle. I felt a sense of dread and didn’t want to go through with it. Whether that was what I felt at the time or an accumulation of hindsight and experience doesn’t really matter – it’s what came up. In that scene, I had an imaginary conversation with my ex and we agreed that although neither of us felt all that sure about what we were undertaking, we were more than blessed by the beautiful daughter that came out of our marriage, making it all worth it. It’s a little like re-writing history with a positive outcome and it’s so freeing!

Since then, over 30 women have gone through the ceremony and I have received comments like, “I didn’t know other women felt this way” and “My relationship with my ex is much healthier now.”

I’m offering another Undoing Vows Ceremony on Sunday, March 6 from 4 to 5:30 pm. If you know someone going through a divorce and feeling stuck in her emotions, unsettled, and not quite sure where to turn, please have her contact me for more information.

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